my failed attempt at life

Yep, I officially fail at life. All of my applications that i had put out across the country i am making an assumption that they dont want me..its a fairly safe assumption since it has been 2 months since i have applied for a job. my last semester as a grad student went down in flames.. to make matters worse i spent 15 hours on a final exam only to score a 56 out of 200...how is that possible..i do not know. i swear i had at least one of the 8 problems worked out correctly but who knows..i swear that the professor just threw darts on a board and has decided to have a vendetta against me. he proceeded to tell me he was also taking me off payroll so i dont even have a paycheck anymore. living of a loan check and the money i had saved up from last year is all i have now. next to zero job opportunities in site has got my outlook on life pretty bleak now. darkness is all around. i did contact my old boss basically begging to know what that company was going to do and if they had vacancies. what he could tell me was good, however, there is no way of knowing when they will be able to hire again..the economy has the whole country in a panic. also had a 30 min phone interview that sounded promising but im not going to bet the farm on it. i am quitting kansas state for good. it probably was the dumbest choice i have ever made in my entire life...well second dumbest ok maybe 4th but i refuse to tell any what mistakes 1-3 were. i hate every part of me that decided to turn down that job. i made roughly 8 friends here thats it..and the amount of friends i lost and shear quality that i did lose is just terrible. i lost my best friend..my one and only best friend. i cant get a job, i keep wrecking everything. its just terrible..my life officially is a failure..top all that off with me killing a second motherboard for being an idiot..my third one comes in tomorrow..lets see if i kill it as well.

Jobs..yeah i cant wait to leave kansas

I really hate being a grad student not quite sure why i decided to turn down a 56k per year starting job to come here. i could be driving a new car, looking at homes, have a boat or classic car lined up but no...stupid tom decided to go to stupid grad school. it is becoming harder and harder this semester to stay afloat. my boat is quickly sinking after my two midterm exams and how i performed on them-lets just say it was not Tom on his best day. This fall alone, i have applied for 26+ jobs around the country, I only started counting recently and didnt count the few that i was rejected for. they go from the east coast to the midwest. from betchel corp, to constellation, to tva, to txu, to entergy, to westinghouse, to entergy, finally to the nrc. the sad thing is that i probably wont here anything back and i pissed away my chances by turning down the job. i could be getting my vacation time in a month, i could be on my own with my own apartment with all my friends around Tech. I could be laughing my ass off at my ex who got pregnant after unsuccessfully attempting to get me to come back to her after all the shit she put me through. but no tom had to choose the fail situation. tom had to think he was smarter than he is and go to grad school. all i want is a job in the nuclear industry, some money in the bank, a nice warm home, a classic car and a boat to go to the lake with. is that too much to ask for? maybe so....maybe so. I have met a lot of cool people that i wouldnt have met if i had stayed at ANO, nor would i have gotten to build my first computer and had a fail motherboard issue (might have been done sooner or later but still) probably wouldnt have done a lot of things but such is life. there are a few things i fail at and apparently making good life decisions is one of them at the moment.

Falling Fast: Poem by Tom

falling so fast
not sure how long it will last
wanting to hide
from all of the world that lied
stolen my soul
might as well go live in a hole
one day late
simply cost me my only mate
falling oh so fast
never thought it would last
will it ever end?
or will i have to mend?
the end is near
it has become oh so clear
fight the fight
try not to lose the sight
can only fall
if you cant get on the ball
and save yourself
from yourself

The day that never comes: Poem by Tom

the day that never comes
is the day i always want
must we always fight
for the days to be bright
death and gloom lurk about
it is over i dont not doubt
wanting someone to care
just for the time to share
but the succubus comes to
destroy and plunder you
darkness and despair has
taken over even as
the light still shines
faintly but still it shines.
when the light goes out
where will you be?
maybe you will be in rout
to see him who loves you
where will you be?
maybe saying love you too
i will await that day
where will you be?
maybe it comes before May
the sun will never shine again
i will never see the light again
i will never love again
i will never feel again
i will never see your face again
'cause the sun never shines again
i wish this was a dream
but it is reality it seems
a part of my soul has died
if only you had not lied
so we could have tried
nothing left in this world
all because of some girl
life has become unfurled
all because of this girl
the day is over now
my time is over now
this world wont miss me much
and i wont miss your touch
the day i always want
is the day that never comes

Randomness

It has been a while since i have posted and lots of things have happened recently. The research is going slightly better, took my first midterm of the semester (should be a solid b or a performance) but still generally unhappy. Did get to take out the xterra to pillsbury and did some sick donuts in water and had that thing spinning like crazy-makes me want a K5 Blazer so bad right now. Might have to invest in one sometime soon- like next year after i graduate. Get an 87 K5, stick a new 327 crate motor lift it 3 in throw some 33"s on it and some custom bumpers and a slick all black or gunmetal grey paint job with a lime green or chevy orange stripe. should be pretty awesome. not to mention anti fuel economy/global warming which should piss off the current government since it is a clunker by their standards. and to think i could run classic tags on it in a couple of years.
i feel like a free electron floating in space only to get trapped by some positively charged element yet desiring to be photoelectrically annihilated in a spiral of chaos. which reminds me of my license plate that i think i want..87chaos and if i cant get that it will be chaos87.
i dont feel like doing much at all. should be ordering a new computer soon since my work laptop is basially died on me. i can literally here the HD spinning-haha.

ramblings of a long week

I hate detection and detection based research. I would much rather being doing anything but it.
I also hate that the music industry has become greedy bastards and screwed pandora over. I like having more than 40 hours of music before they cut me off.
in other recent news i think i am going to do the hukilau later on this evening for kicks..why i am not sure it should be quite entertaining..maybe i will post it on youtube..and maybe not since nobody reads this anyways.

so um the push for electric cars....

Yeah I don't see a big EPIC FAIL on the governments part. Our grid is stretched to its limits as is and we have yet to address any new base load generation power plants. so what happens when we all go buy electric cars and plug them in at night? I will tell you.. Rolling to total blackouts/brownouts across the country. Solar and wind do not have the capacity factor nor the efficiency. so you have one of two options. Nuclear or Fossil fuels..It takes years to construct either plant, longer for the nuclear due to the licensing procedures. At the moment with no construction going on, you are looking at 2016 for the first new nuclear plant..I do not track the fossil plants but i do know that a new one has been proposed for west Kansas.
What does all this mean to you? well with the new "cap and tax" bill you will pay more because of your increased energy usage. suffer power loses at home while you are trying to relax and watch that favorite sitcom of yours, and be forced to listen to the misses complain why you haven't fixed the shelf in the bathroom yet. good job environmental nut jobs....your efforts are as futile as the mission accomplished sign presented by Bush on navy ship.